A list of things better adults should stop doing in 2019

Adulting 2019: Some things we should stop doing

It’s almost 2019 and while I feel that 2018 kinda slowed down, it’s now down to nine days. Let that sink in.

As with blogs come year-ender lists – things we’re thankful for, Christmas wishes, new year goals.

Coming up with this is party because I really believe I was a crappy friend/human being these past few years and I easily blamed that on all the struggles that came with that thing we call adulting. But silently retreating to my personal cave this year got me face to face with God’s grace. And indeed, as much as His grace heals, it transforms us from the inside out.

And so here’s a list of things we should stop doing as we grow a year older. And by we, I mean I’m the first to be found guilty doing these and must now commit to stop these.

Asking friends to treat us to a meal, to the movies, etc.

The libre culture among family and friends. I used to do this a lot to some of my best of best friends, half-jokingly asking them to pay for our lakad and I realize now that we’re all adults with a job. It’s fun when we were kids but as we age, we all learn the responsibilities that come with our hard-earned cash. Maybe our friends have shiny job titles that give us ideas on how much they’re earning but we should also be sensitive to their financial responsibilities (i.e. supporting a family, paying off loans, establishing a small business venture, etc.). These days, I aspire and pray to be the one paying for group meals from time to time but while I’m not at that stage yet, I can simply pay for my own meals, tickets, etcetera, etcetera.

Giving excuses, seen zoning people when we want to say no to a lakad.

I am so guilty of this. I not only seen zone people, I inbox zone them. And when I do open the message *accidentally* I try to come up with lame excuses like, “I fell asleep,” or “I have other plans.” One time, I tried being honest and it was just liberating. So now, I just really tell people if I had a long week and was planning to sleep/stream Netflix this weekend, or it’s tipid time of the month, or I have a lot going on right now and have no energy to go out. Newsflash: people actually understand reasons that are sincere, making our relationships better.

Matchmaking teasing our friends to just about anyone because we feel we have a say as to who they should be with, or whether they should be with someone in the first place.

Ugh. Do you recall that old saying, do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you?

I am so done with myself participating in friendly banter about my friends’ relationship status and/or who they should go out with. Personally, I’ve always made it clear (at least I think I’ve made it clear) that I have no time, plan, business in “finding the one”. If he comes into my life, he’ll be welcome but how could we even meet when dating isn’t even part of my calendar? Haha. Nonetheless, it’s not a problem thing for my family and friends to dwell on because I’m not even thinking about it except for the few minutes on every. social. gathering. I. attend. where people ask me about my singleness or about that guy friend they think can be a good match for me.

That said, I had to ask myself the hard question on why I enthusiastically tease my friends every chance I get? I don’t really ask people on why they’re single but I match-make them with this and that person, which is an equally uncomfortable thing. If I don’t really like it happening to me, I should not be doing it to them. If I have my own reasons for staying single, they must have, too. And unless a friend openly asks me for some single/relationship advice, I gotta learn to zip it.

Talking about what’s going on in the lives of people who aren’t around. No matter how concerned we are with how they’re doing. If we really want to know how are they, we can reach out on our own.

Again, if we don’t want people talking about us when we’re not there to hear it, much less defend ourselves when needed, why do we do it to others?

Also, not talking about other people gives us room to talk about things of value to everyone who is present. Talk about books you’re reading, movies you found hilarious, relaxing, amazing when you stayed at home that weekend. Talk about your struggles and discover that there is beauty and strength in being vulnerable in front of people who love you. Talk about the nation and its woes. Discuss who you’ll be voting for this May 2019 and why. Talk about your dreams and goals and who knows there might be someone who can start a passion project with you.

Asking our friends for free services/products. Haha.

We should be the biggest supporters of our friends’ crafts and skills. In this world economy, we can do better in helping those within our reach by sending cash flow their way instead of those multi-million dollar corporations. I have also learned that if I can’t pay someone to do something for me, I should learn to do it myself (hello, Youtube video tutorials and blog/reddit/wiki posts on just about anything).

Taking too long to return a borrowed item (i.e. books, clothes, etc.). Or maybe just simply update the person on when you can return what was lent to you.

Oh this. I still have a couple of books to return and my reason was I was mostly in Tarlac the past 3 years. Welp, I’m back home and hopefully finish returning items to people who entrusted them to me.

I still falter at these from time to time but I’m grateful for reminders sent my way that get me back on track. Partly, I’m writing this publicly to add another layer of reminder to self. Hehe. Also, to people I’ve done these to, please forgive me. And please do gently rebuke me if I ever do these again to you. As they say, there is no better apology than changed behavior.

On the other hand, I have learned that it’s good practice to expect these of ourselves but be gracious when people fail to do the same for us. And with that, here’s to better version of our grace-filled selves, 2019 and always! ♥

to all the friends i lost touch in recent years | pagesfromtheinsideout.com | a blog by Joan Narciso

To all the friends I have lost touch with in recent years

Four months ago, I helped a friend with a work plan she has to present to her bosses and colleagues. Her topic had me going through my college files and folders to look for something that could help her. I didn’t know that browsing through old reviewers and  projects could hit me with waves of sadness. I sat in front of my laptop and realized how close I was with some people back then, and how we have drifted apart.

I had to pause and process the heavy feeling as I thought that there were friendships I could have worked on despite circumstances and feelings and distance and time. But here I am, comfortably hiding behind my ‘low maintenance friendship‘ and/or ‘sometimes people just drift apart,’ and/or ‘there are just some people you move on from‘ reasons.

Admittedly, this isn’t the first time I thought of reaching out to good old friends. As morbid as it may sound, every time depression and suicide are brought to our attention, I think of people who matter to me. Sometimes, I reach out to them; most times, I let my own challenging life take over and just hope to God they are fine.

I had a lot going on in my life for the past three years. Add that I grew less and less fond of social media in general. But I’m trying and hoping to change a few things. I haven’t gotten around reaching out to everyone I need and want to but I’m slowly getting there. It’s not easy and I don’t want my words to lack action.

But I hope I could put this out for all my friends from years ago — high school, college, youth group, cousins, colleagues turned friends,

I’m sorry I just lost touch with you. I’m sorry I didn’t work on my end of our relationship. I’m sorry if I used to talk about being an extension of the love of Jesus and have failed to extend that love to you as I faded into my own little world.

Life is short and I know this won’t mean much but I want you to know I still look back at our days together and get thankful for the times we shared. You were a part of my life and a part of me today is because of the bond I shared with you.

Somewhere, we lost touch and I might have done something that hurt you or we simply grew apart. Or maybe we now have different interests and stuff to do. Regardless, please know that there are days I remember you and I pray for your wellness.

I don’t post on social media these days and I don’t browse my Facebook newsfeed either. But if you ever need to rant or vent or simply talk about something you are happy about, you can message me. Sometimes we have a lot of friends and yet we feel like we got no one to talk to. I hope when you get days like that, you’d remember me.

Adulting, as we know, is a series of days filled with endless things that demand our attention, resources and time. I hope you know that when you need to pause, or when you need someone to help you pause, you got this one friend who is every bit hurdling challenges but has now learned to be intentional in her friendship with you. By that, I mean, we can chat, talk over the phone or grab some cheap coffee as we look back, pause the present, and look forward to better days.

~ Joan ♥

P.S. This isn’t a shortcut way for you to reach out to me first.. this is just some sort of heads up so you wouldn’t suddenly think I’m reaching out to you out of nowhere. ♥